The following stories are true. Only the names have been changed to protect the dull of mind, the innocent, the unsuspecting, and the corporate and medical industries of our society that drive us all nuts.

It was a pleasant evening, about eight, dinner was done, and I was on the couch contemplating the secrets of the universe or the schedule for the Braves game. I don’t recall which. The phone rings, I answer. It’s a voice from somewhere in the universe, “Hello, is this Mr. Cosini? This is AT&T.” This company had been beaming me signals for several years, always at eight in the evening and asking if I would change my phone service company. The Braves were not playing and I had no reason to believe AT&T had any secrets of the universe, but I had just received an astronomical bill from Bell South. The offer was clear. I said, “Send the information in the mail and I will check it out.” “No can do,” the reply. “Please hold while I get my supervisor and she will make the changes in no more than five minutes.” I told her I would not wait that long, but I did. My wife, passing in the living room asked what I was doing. I told her I was switching phone company service. She shook her head and advised that this was not a good idea. I told her it was a very good idea. Ten minutes later the supervisor is on the line, ‘Mr. Cosini, I will need some information and it will take less than ten minutes.” Thirty minutes later my wife passed by, shook her head, and said, “Please don’t do this. It will be a real mess.” “Not to worry, my pet, I have it in hand.” One hour later, I tell the supervisor I have no more time to spend on this and she reports the process is nearly complete. In the final moment, she says “Stay on the line please, the information must be confirmed or all will be lost. It’s an FCC regulation.” I am now starting to boil. “Madam, you assure me that all my previous services will be intact and it will cost me less?” “Absolutely sir.” In a final pass through the living room at 9:35 p.m., my wife says, “Are you still on the phone? You are screwed.” I completed the deal so as not to be arrested by the FCC.

The next day, I call home to check phone messages. No phone message system. I call AT&T. “Sorry sir, but AT&T does not have a phone message system in your area. “What, you promised no changes in service?” “Sir, I am sorry; to whom did you speak?" “They were voices from the galaxy, a rookie, the supervisor, and the FCC recorded message.” “We expect to have that service in a year or so. Have a nice day.” In addition, I had lost my Bell South internet connection system. I was screwed. At dinner the next night, I told my wife of the events and to bring us back to Bell South. She was not happy.

The next day Bell South said they would re-hook service, and send me an installation disc and modem so I could have the new, high speed DSL system for my computer as well as my phone service. For several days I had no internet connection systems or phone mail. Finally, the disc and the hardware arrived. It all seemed so simple. My wife set it up. Nothing worked. I read the directions and followed the diagrams. Still nothing. We called Bell South Tech Service. Several hours later, still no internet connection and no phone mail. The technical people pushed me over the edge with, “Sir, if you don’t have time now, you can go to our website and get additional instructions.” In as civil a tone as Attilla the Hun could ever muster, I advised that I had no internet connection because they had not provided me with successful support. “Aha, I see your point,” was the reply from the galaxy. I called my neighbor who had a similar system. He came over, tried a few things, and asked to see the phone system in the house. I opened the closet and pointed to the Strata CRX 100 digital central phone system for the home. I then heard again those now common words, “You’re screwed.” In the week that followed, the domestic communications supply company came over, fixed the system so that the Bell South hardware worked. I now have an internet connection and my voice mail. Please send me an e-mail or call me. I have earned it.

In the same week, a patient was admitted to the hospital with a complex disorder in which her liver, heart, kidneys, blood, and brain were affected. As she became progressively more ill, more consultants were called in for technical support, medical care, and opinions. The primary care physician, the gastroenterologist, the cardiologists, the kidney specialists, the blood specialist, the lung specialist, the infection specialist, and the surgeon all contemplated the matters at hand. Because of the nature of the presentation, the family was questioned about non-prescription medications. An alert daughter of the patient presented us with a shopping bag full of homeopathic, herbal concoctions – twenty seven in all. There they were in the medicine cabinet just waiting for mere mortals to find and figure out the connection. We are still not sure which compounds are the one (s) that caused this patients illness. Testing continues. We are concerned about Echinacea, Arsenic, Pennyroyal, Ginko Biloba, Hawthorne Berries, and Black Walnut etc.

It had been a bad week. Problem at home and the answer was in the closet all the time; terrible problem at the hospital and the answer was in the medicine cabinet all the time. These true stories suggest that as the problems in our society and in medicine seem to become more complicated, it is more likely that the problems are not more complex, but that the answers are not in the same places. Making a telephone call, making an internet connection, and simply trying to protect your health should not be all that difficult, but it can be. Keep your calls short, use the internet wisely, and keep the medicine cabinet as empty as possible. >