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| Medical Information: Is there Intelligent Life in the World of Medicine? |
| Nicholas V. Costrini, M.D., Ph.D. Medical Director Georgia Gastroenterology Group |
| The Darwin Awards are tongue-in-cheek virtual prizes given to folks who have actually done something so dumb as to cast serious doubt on their genetic makeup and intelligence. Originally, criteria for nomination for a Darwin Award included that candidates must have met an untimely death as a result of their actions (and thus be eliminated from the human gene pool.) More recent nominees have been allowed to survive but merit special recognition for a degree of stupidity that might seem hard to imagine in humankind. For example, a 2001 nominee is the young liquor store bandit who demanded and received the cash in the register. He then demanded a bottle of Scotch from the shelf behind the clerk. Stating to the crook that he looked under-age, the clerk refused to give the bandit a bottle of Johnnie Walker Black. To prove his age, the crook showed the clerk his true driver's license! The bandit dashed off with cash and drink. The police, supplied with a name and address, easily found and arrested this nominee in the theft and felony category of the Darwin Awards. The Darwin Awards must have a category entitled Healthcare and Medicine. I have for your consideration several nominees in this category. The first goes to both the physician-authors and the study subjects of a recently published report that appeared in the Journal of the American Medical Association. In this most noteworthy of medical journals, it has been reported that if you drink alcohol while bicycling you are more likely to suffer a serious accident or die. Frequently, the cycling nominees for this Darwin Healthcare Award are on bicycles because they had auto licenses revoked for- you guessed it- DUI. I nominate the authors of the study and the Journal itself for a Darwin Healthcare Award in the subcategory of Really Dumb Healthcare Research. For the Darwin Healthcare Award for Medical Office Automated Reception Messages, I whole-heartedly nominate those doctors offering the message "If you are sick, go to the hospital." Why do most people call a doctor's office? I suspect these nominees graduated from Correspondence U Medical School. Other message nominees in this category include, "If you don't understand English, press #5." Ich verstehen Sie nicht!! (Translated I dont understand you!!) How is a foreigner supposed to understand the option list? This stuff happens every day in healthcare and Awards need to be given. If physicians in the office and the research arena can be nominated, certainly the patients are eligible as well. Nominees in the category of Emergency Treatments for Darwin Award Activities include the guitar player who presented to the ER with a guitar pick in his esophagus, the lady who put super glue rather than glaucoma drops in her eye, and of course the confused college girl with the lipstick tube in her bottom. As you can see local competition is strong this year for the ER Darwin Award. The nominees for the Darwin Award in Hospital Administration include the hospital group that increased its advertising budget at the same time it reduced the number of nurses on the medical floors as a cost-saving measure. Additional nominees in this category include the administration that produced the billboards advertising the telephone number to call for help. Do I write the number on the dashboard or do I call from my car if I happen to be sick at the very moment I drive by the sign? Finally, it is my privilege to nominate several pharmacy chains for the Let Us Heal You and Kill You Darwin Drug Store Award. This Award goes to those drug stores selling antibiotics, heart medications, and anti-hypertensive drugs in the rear of the store while also hawking cigarettes in the front of the store. Other Darwin Award nominees and winners from previous years may frequently be found in these drug stores. I ask you, is there any intelligent life in the world of healthcare and medicine?
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